These are the confessions - such as they are of a non-drinking, monogamous, heterosexual, omnivore.
The Ginger Mumbly is a humorous and humourous, satirical, column. People who like this will probably like reading books.
They'll be interested in second hand books.
I also write about cafes - both in Brighton, where I now live and in Cambridge, where I used to live.
I spend a lot of my time in Cafes and have very strong opinions about what makes a good one.
And sometimes I write about travel, I like Paris, Berlin, Athens.
It's a secular, militantly agnostic site, so there probably isn't much point sending ads for religious organisations.
They will probably like reading authors like Hunter S. Thompson, P J O' Rourke, Saki, Mark Twain, James Thurber, Charlie Booker, Damon Runyan.
They might like TV shows like "The Thick of It", "The Mighty Boosh", "The Wire", "Arrested Development".
The might like films like "A life Aquatic", or "The Big Lebowski"
The Everyman Cometh
This was our second date. She was late.
I was just cursing myself for spoiling my immaculate appearance by
putting my sleeve in a puddle of beer when I saw him looking at me. I
was immediately worried - it's rarely a good sign. When a man you don't
know looks at you meaningfully in an English pub, it nearly always poses a
risk of sex or violence. A good looking man, well-dressed, but
casual. Couldn't actually tell you his hair colour or any, well,
distinguishing features.
He moved along the bar
towards me, relaxed, asmused, almost sauntering. Before I had the time to
be frightened, his large, beautifully manicured hand was resting firmly on
my arm. He spoke in a low tone, no one else could hear
him.
"Remember me? No?" I shook my head, still
terrified, waiting for the threat, the proposal. "Don't worry, he smiled,
I'm not going to hit you or," he began to laugh, "hit on you."
Hilarity appeared to get the better of him for a moment. It took him
several seconds to regain his composure. "Lets start at the beginning then
shall we?" he said, his thin smile broadening into a big grin. "Remember
those sweet beautiful, unattainable girls you went to school with?
Remember Michelle? Ah yes! That crush in the fourth year. Remember she had
a boyfriend who was seventeen and had a motorbike? That's right, now we're
getting somewhere!
"And what about Angela?
Women will never look like that to you again. You'd dawdle after lectures,
you'd go for coffee, as you talked she'd laugh. That laugh! Then
inexplicably, out of nowhere she's cold, disinterested. She tells you
there's someone else. Who do you think that was? The guy who turned up
late at parties, who snogged her all night, nursed his own lager and said
nothing? Oh and here I am again, your first wife's second husband. I'm
dependable, I'm not prone to your moods, I always remember to bathe. I'm
good around the house. Even your kids like me - I'm not 'totally sad', I
don't embarrass them with my choice of
trousers."
I looked desperately towards the
door, hoping that my date would finally turn up and allow me to escape my
tormentor. "Don't worry he snapped, she'll come. But I don't think you two
will ever really hit it off, you see it's me she loves. She should have
given me my space, understood how sensitive I was. There'll never be
another."
I couldn't have believed that he
could get any closer, but there he was, his chiselled features, inches
from my dishevelled ones. I could see his perfect teeth, I would have
smelled his breath, had it smelled of anything. "You see my friend, women
like many flavours of ice-cream, but when it comes to men - they only need
one - Vanilla!".
And with that he was
gone. I looked down at the card he had given me: "Jan-Eric Vanilla" it
said, "Ladies' companion."
These are the confessions - such as they are of a non-drinking, monogamous, heterosexual, omnivore.
The Ginger Mumbly is a humorous and humourous, satirical, column. People who like this will probably like reading books.
They'll be interested in second hand books.
I also write about cafes - both in Brighton, where I now live and in Cambridge, where I used to live.
I spend a lot of my time in Cafes and have very strong opinions about what makes a good one.
And sometimes I write about travel, I like Paris, Berlin, Athens.
It's a secular, militantly agnostic site, so there probably isn't much point sending ads for religious organisations.
They will probably like reading authors like Hunter S. Thompson, P J O' Rourke, Saki, Mark Twain, James Thurber, Charlie Booker, Damon Runyan.
They might like TV shows like "The Thick of It", "The Mighty Boosh", "The Wire", "Arrested Development".
The might like films like "A life Aquatic", or "The Big Lebowski"