These are the confessions - such as they are of a non-drinking, monogamous, heterosexual, omnivore.
The Ginger Mumbly is a humorous and humourous, satirical, column. People who like this will probably like reading books.
They'll be interested in second hand books.
I also write about cafes - both in Brighton, where I now live and in Cambridge, where I used to live.
I spend a lot of my time in Cafes and have very strong opinions about what makes a good one.
And sometimes I write about travel, I like Paris, Berlin, Athens.
It's a secular, militantly agnostic site, so there probably isn't much point sending ads for religious organisations.
They will probably like reading authors like Hunter S. Thompson, P J O' Rourke, Saki, Mark Twain, James Thurber, Charlie Booker, Damon Runyan.
They might like TV shows like "The Thick of It", "The Mighty Boosh", "The Wire", "Arrested Development".
The might like films like "A life Aquatic", or "The Big Lebowski"
Suffer Little Children
It's not that I want them to die in a gutter aged 25, surrounded by debt, failure and hypodermics. But I
refuse to believe that's the only alternative. And anyway, there are many deaths. Some of them living. I
know of what I speak. I was an accountant for a while and although I managed to stop it before it reached
any of the vital organs, I watched a (once) good friend of mine completely embalmed by this profession.
Right down to the sudden discovery of a passion for football and German cars. Cheery eh? But I do want
them to be badly behaved. Much more badly behaved than I was (although I don't think they could be
much more idle).
What am I talking about? Well, erm, there comes a time in a man's life (I didn't think there did, but here it
is) when his thoughts turn to how delinquent he would want his children to be, even if he has no firm (give
over) plans to have any in the near future. Or maybe I haven't gone broody. Maybe it was just that nasty
little advert that set me thinking. Open with a shot of a bunch of six year olds queuing in gowns and mortar
boards. Some snide voiceover saying "If you want them to get this far, they're going to have to start early".
Cut to some shots of a little treasure beaming in a child-actor death-rictus whilst supposedly learning
awesome stuff from a CD ROM and a magazine in weekly parts. Yeah right. From the people who bought
you "Crochet Your Own Furniture" in 6 million installments. What are you ever going to learn from a
publication targeted at people too stupid to buy books?
I just feel sorry for the poor sods. At that age, I'll allow, it would be nice if they could read, but surely there
must also be plenty of time set aside for covering every available surface in excreta and vomit and
scribbling with ball pen and wax crayon on all expensive decorations. No point doing any redecorating in
here dear, not if we're ever going to have children (why hadn't I though of that before?). Oodles of time
must also be allowed for putting the cat in the tumble drier (now I'm in trouble), climbing on the dog,
hitting next door's kids, breaking their expensive toys and putting toast in the video.
Who am I fooling anyway? What does it matter what I think? Even if I am blessed with children the one
thing you can guarantee is that they'll do exactly the opposite of what you want them to. I once sat opposite
a woman at a Christmas dinner who was furious with her husband because she'd just given birth to a boy.
Yes, that's about as rational as it gets with children. But if you can't deal with that fifty-fifty boy girl thing
at birth my guess is the rest of their lives is going to be quite a struggle.
You want a rebel, you'll get a goody
two shoes who invites you round to look at their regency effect coving. You want a clever
clogs, you'll
get a footballer (but not if there are still sharp objects in the world with which to Bobbit myself).
These are the confessions - such as they are of a non-drinking, monogamous, heterosexual, omnivore.
The Ginger Mumbly is a humorous and humourous, satirical, column. People who like this will probably like reading books.
They'll be interested in second hand books.
I also write about cafes - both in Brighton, where I now live and in Cambridge, where I used to live.
I spend a lot of my time in Cafes and have very strong opinions about what makes a good one.
And sometimes I write about travel, I like Paris, Berlin, Athens.
It's a secular, militantly agnostic site, so there probably isn't much point sending ads for religious organisations.
They will probably like reading authors like Hunter S. Thompson, P J O' Rourke, Saki, Mark Twain, James Thurber, Charlie Booker, Damon Runyan.
They might like TV shows like "The Thick of It", "The Mighty Boosh", "The Wire", "Arrested Development".
The might like films like "A life Aquatic", or "The Big Lebowski"